"Sex Offenders" is a work in progress. It tells the story of a man pushing 50; a man with a lifetime of broken dreams and denied expectations. I have purposely left him nameless.
I look forward to your comments and feedback. And if any of you reading this blog are literary agents or publishers looking for new material, I'm looking for a contract!
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5 comments:
I really liked what I read. I am hooked. I can't wait to read the next chapter.
Love,
Anjanette
Anjanette:
Thanks for leaving your feedback. I can't wait for the next chapter, either! Well, really it's more like I can't wait to read your comments. Love, Ben
Neighbor? I never knew. Yes, an artist, and now this? Your artistic side certainly comes through in your words. I'm impressed!
Reading, I especially like the intriguing aspect of not knowing the main characters name. One can ALMOST imagine ones self in his place. I too will enjoy reading more about 'Daddy' and where he takes us next.
You might try contacting Nerve.com and seeing if they're interested in publishing your stuff - or at least hooking you up with someone who might. I've seen similar things showcased on their site. They're that brand of sexual edgy that you seem to have hooked into.
As for your writing style, I found your sentence structure poor, the sentence lengths did not play into the mood you created in various paragraphs, and you kept changing tense. I did like "he was my lemonade" and a few other uses of alliteration you threw in. Consider a rewrite of the first few paragraphs. Also, the kid was in the car, then he pulled out of the spot and the kid was no longer in the car - look into that.
I’ll be curious to see where this goes...sort of. Gay porn isn’t my particular taste (save for girl-girl scenes), so if it gets too graphic, I may have to bail. If you’re simply establishing character, then hey, I can deal.
Overall, I think it’s well written. It starts out a little dark and self-loathing...hard not to hear Bill Bob Thornton narrating, sort of like the opening monologue of Bad Santa. And, sorry to stereotype, but I envision Hank Azaria’s character from The Birdcage as the Latin hottie. Strange combination, but when they cast it for the screen, remember where you heard it first.
Hoping it doesn’t end up too dark of a piece.
Looking forward to Chapter two...I just know Lassie will rescue Timmy from the well...
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