Something Different

Some of you who have come to my website in the past have become accustomed to reading the chapters from a novel I've been working on. I took a hiatus for several months because the novel, "Sex Offenders," originally meant to be a simple thing following the 12-Step Program, had become a bit dark, lonely, and uncomfortable. You see, as writers, we write about what we know. "Sex Offenders" was perhaps hitting a bit too close to home in certain aspects. I'll leave you to speculate on which parts.

So, for many months I have just let it lie.

Now, many months later, I have picked it up again. However, I won't be posting it on here; at least not right now. Instead, I've decided to do what everyone else is doing and just blog. Journal. Whatever you want to call it, i'm writing about my experiences; the things I see and do. I want to show the world what I feel and think and that I'm here! I know there are some that might say, who cares? Who the hell are you?

But somewhere deep down inside I know I'm important. At the very least, I have something important to do in life, something to say. something significant to contribute. We all do! I just don't know what mine is. I have been told that it's my writing. I don't know. If that's true, wouldn't I be published already? Wouldn't I be in the New Yorker? In my local community paper? It's okay, you can laugh.

Truthfully, though, I guess I just haven't pushed hard enough. I haven't motived myself to stay focused enough to see something through to the very end. I can only tell you that lately I've been journaling like a mad man. The old fashioned way; blank book and pen. It is through my writing that I have begun to experience a catharsis very similar to the catharsis I feel when I have sex.

And speaking of sex.

I have two other blogsites. Many of you will probably consider it a porn blogsite. And that's cool. I'm sure that's what it is.

At first I thought to keep them separate because it deals with explicit issues on trying to start a gay, amateur porn business, because it's about sex, because sometimes there are pictures some might consider to be vulgar or obscene. I chose it also because I did not wish to be censored in any way shape or form.

But then I thought: why not unite them? If nothing else, link this one with that one. I'm still not sure that's such a good idea but I'm going to do it anyway. Here's why: because sex is an integral part of my life that helps define who I am. Because sex is an integral part of ALL our lives. And although I do not condone censorship, I will be doing it to myself because I would rather be the one to choose what I delete as opposed to having someone else do it for me. We're all adults. We can all decides for ourselves.

I'll see how it goes. After a while, depending on the response, who knows?

As for the second blog, like everyone else it seems, yes, I have a myspace page. I hardly every use it, though. Therefore I will not place that link here.

And so, without further ado, one of the blogs posted previously where I combine both of my worlds. The original title was, "Speed Bumps." And in case you're interested in the more adult version of my blog, the site is: www.hellopenis.com/blogs/horndawgz/.


SPEED BUMPS

Just when you achieve the appropriate speed for Cruise Control on the Highway Of Life, it throws you a curve and you wind up hitting a speed bump. As a result, sometimes you spill your coffee and other times you miss your exit only to wind up on a side road.

Here I've been hoping to shoot a scene where some big-dicked skull fucker grabs Chase by the ears, fucks face and shoots his load all over the guy's face, lips and tongue. I've also been hoping to shoot one final segment where some top, or bottom, comes in and either rides Chase's hole or his cock. Either way is fine by me and I don't think Chase would mind either! I've even upped the ante a bit; I'm actually offering people money (though I'm probably going to have to sell my ass to do it!)

To no avail. So I kinda feel like Max Bialystock in "The Producers." WHO DO I HAVE TO FUCK TO GET A BREAK IN THIS TOWN?!"

Because I'm SOOOOOOOOOO close to finishing my first DVD I have been growing anxious. Then I thought, "Why am I pushing so hard? I know I'll get there. Maybe not at MY desired speed, nor in the car I want to be seen in, but, I WILL get there."

So, just when I decided to step out of the way and let Life take the wheel and drive, I hit that speed bump. My mom has to have a lumpectomy and undergo 6 weeks of radiation treatment. Once the intial shock wore off, I did some research, had a hear-to-heart with her (as much as you can have a heart-to-heart over the phone) and decided to take time off from work to fly up to NYC and help her. Since then I've gone from moments of extreme worry, to zen-like bits of peace. Somehow I know in my heart that she will be fine. She has a great positivity about her and is in terrific spirits. They caught it early enough where she is expected to make a full and complete recovery (minus a portion of her breast, of course.

And yet, it's my mom. You know? I mean, this is the woman who has not just brought me into the world, but raised me to be the man I've become. And this is the very first time she's ever had anything reallly serious with her health. I guess there was a small part of me that still saw her as the invincible mom who made me lunch every day to take to school, helped me with my homework and kissed me good night before going to bed. I know we will all one day leave this earth. People come and go in our lives. But Mom's are forever. At least, that's what I wanted to believe. This has been an eye-opening experience and a fantastic opportunity to remember that we must take life a moment at a time and appreciate where we are, who we've known and embrace life.

I don't know what I'll do for money. I know bills will pile up; I still have lots of calls to make and arrangements to make. I will miss our pugs, Emma, Trinket and Googie. Hell, I already miss my partner so much it feels as if my heart is being wrenched and squeezed within God's bony, arthritic hand!

But all will be well. It has to be. So, even though I'm not happy to have to take this detour, it is nonetheless a very necesary one. And once the side road ends I will get back on the highway and finish my first movie, "Sunday Afternoon With Chase."

In the meantime, though, until I leave for NYC, I look forward to David (HTG) coming to Fort Lauderdale again, having dinner and maybe shooting a session for him.

I leave you with the following thoughts: Do what you want, what brings you joy, what makes you feel good. Because it is all over way too soon.

Peace.