The Sanctity of Marriage

When I was growing up, weddings did not occur in my family. My uncles, or aunts dated, they would move in with the person they were dating, and before I knew, I had a new aunt or uncle. One of my aunts dated a lot, therefore, I had a LOT of uncles!

I don't know if this was due to being latin or just a peculiarity in my specific family. As far as I know, only one of my relatives was legally married.

Regardless of whether the lack of belief in marriage was due to my family, I have always felt that weddings were more of a public declaration, to your family and friends, that the person beside you was "The One." That was the person you were planning on spending the rest of your life with.

But that to me is not marriage.

Marriage, to me, is more a sense of duty, obligation, love and honor. You bestow these things upon the person you love and want to grow old with. It is a personal vow between you, the person you love, and the universe, that you will be loyal to that person. That you will devote your life, moving forward, to living as one. That come hell or high water, no matter what, you will not abandon one another. That you would die for them.

Of course, everyone's definition will vary, but that's mine. And I see myself as married. After 13 years with Niko, we're about as married as married is going to get; he's seen me at my worst, at my best, and he still has not left me. Nor I, him. I don't need a piece of paper to tell me how married I am.

But I need it for protection.

As it stands now, if my partner should die before me, I'm screwed if his family wants to come in and be nasty. Nothing is in my name except some joint accounts.

We can have will drawn up, Power of Attorney, etc. But I can't get married.

After 13 years, no matter what we've been through, no matter how much I love my partner, if one of us should die, the other party is screwed. And it's not just us. We know plenty of other gay couples in the same predicament. In fact, some of the couples have been together even longer than we have. We understand the tradition of marriage, the supposed sanctity.

And yet we cannot marry.

Mind you, I don't believe in marriage per se, but I'd like to know that I could marry, if I had the option.

When Prop 8 in California was defeated the first time, I was pissed. Not for us, but for all the gay and lesbian couples out there who want the traditional wedding.

We protested in Fort Lauderdale and I wrote to the ACLU. I signed petitions and wrote to our politicians, thanks to the organized directives of the ACLU.

And then Prop 8 came up once more and, once more, it was defeated.

That's inexcusable. First, because as gay people we are being treated like second class citizens. And I tired. I will no longer settle. And no, I don't want a "separate but equal" law, either! This is not the 60s and I will drink from the same water fountain as others; straight, gay, black, white, or where ever  and whomever you identify with. One planet, one country, one government, one law to protect us all.

How dare the government tell me, "I can take your tax money but I will not give you Civil Rights." This is basically what California has just said. People, wake up!

Personally, although I am outraged that California once again refused to pass Prop 8, I am also baffled. A state which has been at the forefront of the "Going Green" campaign. A state where almost anything went. A state from where almost anything new and weird originated.

A state that is now, apparently, dangerously close to being bankrupt.

Denying people the right to marry is, in my opinion, morally wrong. For California it is also economically unsound.

Just imagine the cost of your average wedding. Now imagine how many gay couples there are in California, let alone the world. Quiet, normal, every day, run of the mill gay couples, coming and going, working, living, spending money just like everyone else.

Now imagine how much money gay marriages would dump into their economy, let alone our nations', if we were allowed to marry in all states. We're talking marriage license, banquet halls, ball rooms, limos, tailors, flower shops, caterers, bartenders, D.J.s, hotels, the airlines.

I mean, for crying outloud, if Disney has recognized the power of the gay dollar, I would think that for that alone, California would have passed Prop 8.

In the end, we all get what we deserve and, sometimes, we get what we create. California, if that is the bed you made, I hope you enjoy sleeping in it. For all other states who have passed laws to legally recognize gay marriages, I applaud you!

For all others homophobes who are against gay marriage, please click on the link below so you can see what the future holds for you. It is the youth of the world. And one day they will rebel.

For supporters of gay marriage, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Please forward if you feel as I do.